I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
