I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
