im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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