I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
