I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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