All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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