yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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