im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
