You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
