How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
