I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
