We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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