Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
is it fun? or sober?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
