Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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