I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
