I seem to have left my pride at pride
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
