I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
