Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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