I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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