very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
