he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
