Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
