I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
