i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Oh god it's open bar.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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