He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
