Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Randomize
