Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
