doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
