he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
