I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
