I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You dont lie about slip and slides
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
