you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
