Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
