I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
