u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
