Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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