the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
