she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Everyone says I win the strip club
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
