Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
