I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
