Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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