Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
