I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
