She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
