you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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