I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I smell stomach acid.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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