Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You may now shotgun with the bride
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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