For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
