They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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