I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
