she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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