May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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