Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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