she smelled like a LAN party
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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