I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
