margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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