Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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