I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
