no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
