the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
