ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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