if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
