I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
